Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
