he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize