you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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