proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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