we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
