my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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