I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
