I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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