I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
