somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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