In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
