turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
