I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
