so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
