singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
