i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
