i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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