chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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