how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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