Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
