HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
