Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
handjob tips. give me some.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
