Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
