dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
