i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dicks are not precious.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
