i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize