I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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