it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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