Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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