I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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