I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
