You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize