I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
