Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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