two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
