I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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