I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
