Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
