I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
