The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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