dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
