what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
