WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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