Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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