ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
