I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize