tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
