She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
