she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
