bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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