Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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