Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
