ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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