i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
