Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize