Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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