Your face is a jimmy john
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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