So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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