It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
