...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
