the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize