Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
