you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I just put wine in my tea
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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