Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
