I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
