Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
