Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize