he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why do cheetos always look like penises
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
