8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
