Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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