Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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