Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
