i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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