she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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