Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
