Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
