At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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