Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
