It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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