Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
