just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
