I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
