You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
