My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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