my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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