so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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