Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
