I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
