just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
