I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
