apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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