He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
