After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
