Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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