Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
