I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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