I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
