the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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