Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
