I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
