Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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