Do you still have your period?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
