I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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