I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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