are you still at the devil's house?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
